Are your emotions driving your crazy?

Supporting Podcast Episode

Our emotions are a gift to offer us messages from our inner world. It gets complicated when the voices of our society, culture and family override our own needs. Taking the time to create a nurturing inner and outer world will clear up some clutter to listen to your womb wisdom.

How can we have a healthy loving relationship with our emotions especially when we are opening to conceive and receive?

How do we compassionately surrender?

I have read so many self help books and studied with glorious teachers but I still feel as though there are moments when I lose all sense of self, I feel like the Tasmanian devil, unable to stop spinning. I have to admit after the birth of Auraya the storms are not like they used to be, but I do have waves of loneliness, which I used to label as boredom. Identifying with boredom gives permission to DO SOMETHING! When actually boredom is a perfect remembrance to come hope and lay in the emptiness, to allow your creative energy to bathe in the vast openness you feel, to give time to plant seeds of joy. Ilan reflected back at me the emotions I had trapped in a box in the depths of my soul. Initially it presented itself as anger but after peeling back the hardened shell, I found the sadness and the fears of my younger self.

In the moments when we react, there is much more to be seen than the sharp stabs from our words, or the shuddering sound of the slamming door. Behind each reaction is a wound from our past which has not been loved or understood, If you are reading this then you are awake to the knowing that we can transmute pain and fears to step into the power and wisdom we all hold. It may feel like you are going back and forth, you may feel deflated that you’ve tried so many practices but you can’t find peace. The truth is, we are human, emotions are healthy, the skill that will really nourish the soul, is the skill to make space to observe what is actually going in inside you. We are told throughout our life that to have a better quality of life we need to change our external world, of course, that means you will buy more things and avoid the exploration of the magnificence within.

Have you heard of bypassing an emotion?

It’s a skill taught in many cultures, a way to ignore physical, emotional and mental arisings through distraction, avoidance and ignorance. There is a discomfort in the physical body, let’s take pills. There is an overwhelming emotion, and energy flowing within, let’s go to the fridge and eat. There is a feeling of anger, let’s talk about how everything is perfect! Bypassing can manifest in many ways.

How to find stillness

• Take a moment. You notice you’ve been triggered, take some time, walk away, breath, hum, sing, dance, become embodies

• Say “I have been triggered and that's ok”

• Heart. Place your hands over your heart and take 10 deep breaths

• Womb or baby. One hand on your heart and one hand on your baby / womb space. Speak to your baby / womb space and let them know how your feeling and what's going on, let them know you are safe.

• Lose attachment to the outcome. You may leave this practice and continue screaming, don't shame yourself, just keep coming back again and again.

This practice can take you 5 minutes or 60 minutes, simply introducing it into your day will start to create a healthy relationship with your emotions. The trick is to listen, what does your body wants to tell you. It takes practice, dedication and gentleness to allow tension to melt and the wisdom to be revealed. The best part is, you can scrap the vision of you sitting in a lotus position for hours on end, you can do this practice anywhere and at any time. Allow your body to be the vehicle to awakening. Stimulating practices may seem appealing but notice what takes you out of your body and what drops you deeply into it. When I need a super quick drop in, and there is no chance of alone time, I like to shake from head to toe, this is actually a practice from Chinese medicine to clear the energy channels, I love it!

Overtime you will understand your triggers and what each body sensation is trying to convey. The voices will be distinctively clear when compared to the voice of your heart womb.

Questions like “What do I need at this moment?” Will become second nature.

The desires of your mind can be separated from the needs of your body. This takes gentle commitment. Time in stillness is time with source, here you can listen to your heart song. Don’t be hard on yourself if you lose your shit, just make every effort to notice when you are off center. Gentleness and forgiveness are going to be your best friends. Fears will arise, and this is normal, it’s a chance to see them and love them, although it may not be easy. If you are pregnant the baby has a lot to do with this time, it's a union, one is influencing the other. Your baby may be here to shed the light onto areas you don’t want to look at, this may give you a very unsettling pregnancy at times, maybe your baby is a reminder of peace and your whole pregnancy is calm and nourishing. Both and all are beautiful and a complete gift, this is why comparing will get you nowhere, each soul has a mission in this life and when you come together magic happens in the strangest of ways.

Starting womb connection practices will guide your energy and focus to this sacred abode.

The vortex which stores a whole universe of memories. Directing your attention towards this space may bring hidden treasures and fears to the surface. You may be numb, you may feel pain, you may notice you are being distracted away from your body, this is not uncommon. The womb magic has been placed under lock and key for many years, it has been beaten and ridiculed to prevent the voices of our past, the voices of the earth and our own wisdom to come through. This wisdom is a threat to this overly masculinized world, where everything has a system and a timeline. The feminine energy flows, spontaneously and mysteriously. Fear is a a natural human emotion, no need to pretend it isn’t there, simply step into your courageous self, take a deep breath and know everything is divinely perfect. I know it can be painful, and with simple practices we can hold hands with everything that arises.

Can you remember when you were younger, were you taught how to express your emotions in a safe and healing way? When I was growing up, it was an honor to be called a ‘strong person’. This ‘strong person’ was someone who was able to hold back the tears when in pain, a person who would be able to hold others and put their own feelings aside, a person who pushed through their day even though they were dying inside. The person who would cry, express their fears or pain, would be seen as weak. They would be lining themselves up for the strong savior to rescue them. In these types of relationships, holding space was unknown, there was something to be fixed and that would bring everyone joy.

Growing up I saw people experiencing deep pain, unable to express their emotions unless they were forced back into their bodies with alcohol or drugs. There was always someone to attack or blame. This was by no fault of their own, they were just not offered skills to identify and love the emotions which were arising, instead a vicious cycle was created of pretending everything was ok, letting the tension build up, releasing through unsafe actions and then left feeling raw, unsafe and misunderstood….

I experienced the same in the Army, as you may be able to imagine. I was so afraid to feel my body. I would disassociate from my body by training and competing in strenuous sports, to the point I would be coughing up blood because I was breathing so hard. From this I would also receive praise for my ‘strength” but I was breaking inside. Self harming was an outlet when I was younger, which returned again in my early 20’s along with an eating disorder, I felt completely out of control and I did what ever I could to escape feeling my emotions. I started to read self help books, here I received my first glimpses of hope. This was when I realized that I was not alone and I was not broken. It wasn’t as simple as reading one book, it was a constant back and forth. I had habits which were protecting me and I had deep scars which were telling me unhealthy stories about how to live my life. The journey continues, with each layer I can breathe a little deeper and love even harder. It is worth every second. I am no longer numb,

When we see someone we love suffering we naturally want to take that pain away, because it triggers pain within us. Holding space for another takes a lot of awareness and compassion, to see your own triggers and to not try to fix something. I realized that unless I was able to hold space for myself, I was unable to do it for another. This is the ultimate self love. Staying with all that presents itself instead of running away.

In a society where you are seen as lazy or selfish for slowing down, don’t be afraid to break away from the shame and leave the house messy, or miss a play date, or eat cereal for dinner.

Set an intention

Take a piece of paper and write down what your intention for mothering is. For example mine is “I am present with Auraya in each moment, I involve her in my daily chores, I talk though my emotions that arise and I help her to identify hers. I have practices that can bring me back to my body and out of my head. I am supported by Ilan and I know I can ask for help because we communicate in a safe and loving way”

Look at this everyday, and envision what that looks like to you. This is called strengthening your intention, your will moves you to take actions to support your intention. When your intention waivers, your WILL will follow. That's why checking in each day will solidify your intention. I like to burn this piece of paper on the new moon and create a new intention, it may be very similar and that’s ok, this is more about creating a ritual to feed life-force into your intention and allow it to stay powerful and brimming with the divine spark!

Is your relationships is it safe to be vulnerable and ask for help?

If the answer is no, this is something you first need to explore. Communicating your emotions requires you to feel safe, because this is a whole new world and calls for a compassionate support network.

This is an example of how vulnerability may sound.

“I am experiencing a tightness in my stomach, I am feeling angry, can I have your support”

You're asking them to join you whilst you take full responsibility for the physical and mental arisings.

“How can I support you right now”

Don’t expect the other person to know what to do, allow them to compassionately enquire.

“I would like 5 minutes alone / can we have tea together / I want to scream”

If you feel the other person is trying to fix you, and move you into your mind, you can remind them them you want to drop into your body, but appreciate they are trying to help.

If you already have children you may try this:

“Mummy is feeling sad right now because I dropped my favourite cup, I am ok and I love you, I am going to take 5 minutes to breath and come back to be with you”

You have identified your feelings, let them know you still love them and demonstrated a way to bring you back into balance. From birth babies rely on us to regulate their nervous system, they cannot rationalise the world as the pre frontal cortex is under development. By expanding their vocabulary to articulate what they are experiencing in their internal world will help the to have a healthy relationship with their emotions. Seeing that their emotions will come and go and that they can make space to respond and not react. Their environment is safe and everything can be loved, no emotions or action will warrant a withdrawal of love.

I hope this is of comfort to you, I would love to hear your story.

Love,

Danielle