Tips for Announcing your Pregnancy

Podcast Episode for this blog here.

As the universal energy flows through you and your baby, your physical body is doing everything in it's power to sustain a healthy abode for your baby to grow. All we have to do is eat nourishing foods, rest, keep warm, drink water and keep your physical body safe. Simple? Then there is the mind, the fears, the uncertainty, the excitement, the confusion, the unknown, emotions dancing, taking you from one reality to another. This is where your tribe is there to support you and remind you of your light, not to project their own fears, offer inappropriate and ignorant advice or give you what they would like receive if they were pregnant. This is where it is very important to dig beneath the weeds and get to the roots of what you need at this time, and let others know how they can best support you. Knowing what you need on a physiological level is a great place to start and from there learn to observe your arising thoughts and emotions, knowing what you need in each moment takes practice as we are so conditioned to distract, avoid and ‘fix’.

When it comes to the announcement it may seem fun to surprise a group of people to a point of discomfort to see their reaction, but if you slow down and tune into your tribe, you can see how to give this information to strengthen your relationship and receive the support you need at this time.

How and when you announce your pregnancy is very personal an unique to you, if you google it you will find different variables on the best time to announce, the popular one being 12 weeks, based on the risks of spontaneous pregnancy release falling after this time. This is when the placenta takes over, sustaining your baby for the rest of the pregnancy, and continue to grow larger as your baby grows.

But really it comes down to how comfortable you feel, when you make your grand announcement you will be involving other energies into your experience and in some cases you may need to prepare and create healthy boundaries.

Things you DO NOT have to do

You DO NOT have to give an exact due date, you can offer an expected season of arrival. This takes the pressure off of you in so many ways. Imagine every day leading up to your due date and every day following your due date you receive a message asking if you are in labor yet, your baby will come when it’s ready. The pressure of arriving on a due date has been created to help the medical system fill out their diary. In most hospitals an induction will be given after 42 weeks, if you are having a home birth you can discuss this with you midwife if you are choosing to have one, and ask what their opinion is on this, I have heard of many mothers been abandoned by their midwives as it goes against regulations or beliefs.

You DO NOT have to have a big celebration, it seems to be the thing at the moment on who can announce their pregnancy in the most spectacular way. If this is what you want, go for it! If you want to announce through a letter, or text… also ok!

You DO NOT have to make a public announcement. No one has a right to know, you have the choice to share this as openly as you please. You can keep your pregnancy and family away from social media if you feel called to do this. Check in with your intentions and what feels good for you.

Make a list of who you want to tell, and how you want to tell them.

In these precious moments you have your own unique story to how you became pregnant, and the emotions and thoughts which accompany that, AND you get to decide who you want to be involved at all stages of your journey.

How do you want to tell them? You may wish to share the news with different people in different ways. How will you tell your children or parents compared to telling your friend who has been trying for a baby for the last 12 months?

If you're having struggles to accept the pregnancy do you want to share this information? If yes, who with? If you have a partner make sure you are both clear on what you hope to share, so you can be back up for each other.

What if you're afraid to tell your partner? Whatever your situation, get clear in your own mind what this pregnancy means to you and how you will feel about the pregnancy if you do not have your partner's support. Take time to connect to your womb and discover what is true for you in that moment. Maybe you have a trusted friend or support network who could hold unbiased space for you and your process.

When you're apprehensive to share the news because of the way the other may react, remember:

1. Bear in mind the others perspective

2. Have the announcement in a comfortable and safe container

3. Hold space for their reaction

4. Own your happiness and gratitude

5. Be considerate of their emotions

Negative responses

When faced with unhelpful, unnourishing responses it can feel like a lead balloon has dropped in your chest. What if the response feels uncomfortable but you’re not sure why? Let’s explore a few responses I’ve heard from clients.

“It’s a boy”

“I’m sorry”

“How long have you known each other”

“No TV?”

“How can you afford it?

“This probably won't happen to you, but here's my deeply traumatic birth story.”

“Get all the sleep you can now”

“Try to enjoy it, pregnancy is the easy part”

“Who’s the Dad?”

“It’s about time”

“Is that safe with your age?”

If you are expecting a negative response, try framing your conversation with your expectations. “I need to talk to you are you available to listen. When I'm done sharing you can share, but I need you to remember that what I really need right now is your love and support…” Then launch into your pregnancy announcement.

If you are the one receiving the news unexpectedly and congratulations doesn't feel like the best response, try connecting to your heart and ask “How can I support you?”

When sharing the news of your pregnancy, it may trigger people in ways you cannot understand, maybe in ways they do not even understand. Staying connected to your heart and your womb and remembering that you do not have to respond straight away to their reaction. Silence may seem uncomfortable but it is more healing and authentic than filling the gap with unnecessary words which take you away from what is really happening.

If it gets too much you can say “I just need a few moments to myself”, go and breathe, reconnect to the earth and feel her strength fill every cell in your body. It’s also ok to respond with curiosity "I am curious to why you would respond that way" or “I appreciate that you have free will to express but your response has made me feel uncomfortable. Can we explore this together?"

At this time you are highly receptive to all energies around you as your hold space for new life, you are on high alert to keep your baby safe and will pick up on a lot more of the subtle communications than ever. Knowing this gives permission to observe rising emotions as you may be responding to others' unheard voice through body language, changes in voice tone or speed and minute facial expressions. When you arrive to share you are solid in your intention, you have come to share the news and you know what your healthy boundaries look like. Your partner or friend can be with you to help filter out the noise or remind others that you do not want to discuss certain topics or listen to certain stories.

If guilt, embarrassment, anger, sadness etc. present themselves, notice them and anchor in the knowing that the transition into motherhood has begun and there will be uncomfortable moments as you move into the unknown. Finding practices such as observing the breath will help you to remember that you are take priority, your entire being is merging with a new life. If you feel like you have lost control and you fear for the health of the baby, this is where you can start practicing your communication skills with them,

“Mummy was experiencing anger because Grandma asked a question which I did not want to answer, I love you so much and mummy is ok. I am now taking time to breathe so I can talk with grandma calmly and from my heart”

Deepest love to you,

Danielle

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